Searching For A Meaning

[Deleted]

"What is the meaning? Why did this have to happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?"

Kain sits in a dark corner of the Haven, struggling with himself. His hatred for what he is is evident by burn marks. Kain has had a habit as of late for walking where his kind isn't "allowed" to remind himself of what he is.

"That bastard deserves to die for what he did. His head mounted at my brothers grave. Penance for what I did to him. He didn't deserve to suffer. He didn't deserve to die.".

Kain looks around, seeing other creatures roaming about, happy with who or what they are.

"Leeches. All of them. All happy with what they do. Happy with the lives they will inevitably destroy. None deserve to exist anymore. Not a single one of them."

A glass goes flying from the hands of Kain, nearly hitting several other patrons before smashing against the wall. Kain stands to his feet as a silence befalls the room around him. All eyes fall on the unwilling vampire as he starts to make his way towards the exit.

[Sublime]

The DJ had chosen techno for the night, not one of her favorites, but it’ll do. The sensation of eyes tracing her exposed flesh sends chills up the spine of the dancer and causes a grin to spread its wings across her china doll face. Slender digits wrap around the cold steel of the dancing cage and she rolls her hips intoxicatingly, undulating up and down like a snake wiggling for its master. The female entertainer is clad in a skin tight purple mini-dress and shiny black pumps, accentuating her beautiful stems. The gyrating performer's long green hair falls over her shoulders and down to her waist in breathtaking streams of vibrant green, reminiscent of waving tendrils of seaweed beneath the sea.

Suddenly the sound of shattering glass assaults her ears and the dancer falls clumsily against the wall of her cage, eyes wild with confusion and fear. The music comes to a screeching halt and everybody in the club turns their attention to the source of the noise. When she spots the disgruntled looking Vampire, The caged entertainer immediately frees herself from her confinement and halts his retreat, “whoa, whoa, you’re going to have to pay for that glass. And just a helpful hint, if you want to be able to come here again… Remember, Soul Haven is a neutral ground. In other words, violence of any kind is prohibited.”

Upon closer inspection of the unhappy patron she can see the tremendous pain in his eyes and her expression quickly relaxes, “hey, never mind, forget about the glass… My names Elizabeth, is there something I can do for you… Looks like you could use a friend right now. New to these parts?”

[Deleted]

"I don't care about your glass." The Disgruntled Vampire snarls out. His anger still as powerful as he looks into the eyes of the dancer. "I'm not new and I don't need a friend."

He decides it's best to stick around in case others have questions of his outburst.

"In fact, there is something you could do for me. You can take a gun or a stake, and use them on me and every other monster in this room. We all deserve it. Preying on innocent lives, taking, twisting, ruining peoples lives for our own greed. Go and kill yourself. I don't much care for friends these days."

Kain looks towards Elizabeth, though he may be different, his upbringing shows through as he remembers that the dancer introduced herself.

"Call me Kain."

[Sublime]

The emerald haired Vampire's inviting smile is unflinching as her fellow bloodsucker berates her. So young and so lost... He reminds me so much of myself when Amadeus first turned me. God how I hated him. Elizabeth chuckles lightly and shakes her head as memories of her maker frollick through her mind. However, the happiness quickly fades when the final memory she has of him flashes before her eyes. The dancer swallows hard, her serene expression faultering, and a single lipid tear escapes from her lid to trickle down her cheek. Oh Deus.... If only you could be here now, I know how much you enjoyed nurturing the young ones.

Beth took a deep breath and forced herself to grin again, "It's a pleasure to meet you Kain. I'm afraid I couldn't possibly kill you, let alone the people in this fine establishment. Some of us, though obviously I can not speak for all of the Vampire here, do not kill the people we feed from. I've never turned a single person either, so I haven't twisted anybodies life... I take siring very seriously, as my maker before me did, and do not take completely turning somebody's life upside down lightly. I can see you've not had an uneasy path thus far... And though you say you don't want a friend... I can see that you need one. I've been where you are now and I think I can help you... Perhaps we can help each other."

She holds her hand out to him and gives him a look as if to say 'take it and follow me'. Though, she doesn't wait for him to grip her hand, getting the feeling he would rather meet the sun then spend another moment with what he so fondly referred to as a leech, "I'm going to buy you a drink. Did you know all the blood in this place is donated?"

She laces her fingers in his and tugs him toward the bar.

[Deleted]

Begrudgingly taking hold and moving with the voluptuous lady of the night, he glares at the other wary patrons.

"You've been where I am? Have you had to watch as you killed your own flesh and blood in a fit of bloodlust because your sire refused to tell you what you were? I could care less if you take siring seriously or not. As far as I am concerned, we all deserve to meet the sun or to take a stake to the heart. You may not have destroyed your prey's life, but what about those they care about? The ones who care about those who have been torn away from them? Yes, I despise what I am, what we all are."

He takes one of the offered glasses and glares at the red fluid inside. His own beast eager to empty the glass to satiate itself.

"The only help I want is to kill the man who forced me to take my brother away from my parents. The pain I saw in their eyes as they saw what I had done. It's why I hate who I am. The looks on their faces haunt me to this day. It's why I took the name I did, to reflect on my acts and to remind me each and every night what I did."

His dark, near soulless eyes peer across, through the tender and Elizabeth.

"I hate myself. I don't sire, I refuse to throw this life onto anybody else. I don't care to leave families grieving like mine did. All die, to join their loved ones one day. I've lost count of the lives I have taken. Each one a new cross I bare for my sins."

[Sublime]

“You have a good point,” she wiggles her finger at the bartender and he saunters over to her, “give me a Bloody Russian please, “her sparkling green orbs return to her new friend, “I haven’t experienced the horror that you have. I had a husband…. And two beautiful children…. A wonderful life…”

She laughs wistfully and places her hand on his leg, “Amadeus stole me away from my happy life and thrust me into a world I…. I found utterly repugnant. I couldn’t forgive him, I wanted him to die and I wanted to die, because… Unlike you… I knew exactly what I was, a voracious young Vampire incapable of controlling my appetite, and I knew I couldn’t possibly be with them. I watched them for a while, but when I saw those sweet little cherubs… And my mouth watered…. God, “She covers her mouth, the memory fresh in her mind, and disgusted with her own nature, “So, I ran, and I was free from him for a time, but then he'd find me… And I would run again. I couldn’t kill him, I tried… he was so much stronger…“

The bartender sets a small glass before her, produces a bottle of vodka and smoothly drains three fingers into the container. He then retrieves a carafe of blood and softly deposits about a shot of the metallic smelling liquid into the glass. The man behind the counter gives her a warm smile and bows his head, sliding the glass into her open hand, “After running for about seventy or so years… From a man that wants nothing more than love… and for you to embrace him and the… gift… he thought he had bestowed upon you….”

Her head bows and she sighs heavily, fighting the urge to cry, because it had morphed into that for her after a time. She head finally grown to love him and that perfect happiness had once again been snatched away from her. Though, as soon as she realizes she has begun to slip into sadness her head gently raises and a pleasant smile brightens her features, “don’t mean to say our story is the same… Or that I can fully grasp exactly what you’ve experienced. I am just saying I have been the self loathing… Leech, was it? And I have experienced loss... I’d like to try and help you get past that, or at least offer you a light in the darkness. It can get lonely there… And I truly am sorry for what happened to you.”

[Deleted]

"Who says I want an apology? Where did I say I wanted to know your story? I wasn't given the option of running. I was forced to. As much as I want to hate my parents for abandoning me, I can't. They have their reasons."

Kain glares at the seductress beside him. The caring look trying to break his cold exterior. For months, his hatred has coursed his veins. Feeling his soul rot away due to his hatred, her eyes bestow a sense of hope.

"I'd rather not leave my darkness. It's the only thing I have ever sensed. The only thing that has accepted me with open arms. You can reach all you want. Try all you want. I'll kill my sire, and then wipe out all of our kind. Each one to be an apology to the lives I have had to take, the lives our kind of taken, what we have all ruined. It all needs to go."

The true, homicidal nature of Kain rearing it's head. His plans being divulged to another for the first time.

"Why do you care anyway?"

[Sublime]

“Well, I suppose I deserved that… After all, you don’t want anything to do with me right? Though here you are, having…” She glances at the untouched glass of blood, “well, conversing with me whilst I drink. You know, I’d be happy to buy you something other than blood, if you’d rather starve until you lose control and do something that will further burden your soul.”

She places her tangerine lips on the edge of the glass and drains a generous helping of its insides into her mouth. Elizabeth places the glass back on the bar, her fingers spinning the container in place. She doesn’t understand why he has to be so hostile, but she isn’t going to let him chase her away because of hurt feelings, “I’d rather wait, gently glowing along the edge of your darkness, so you know you’re not alone and there’s a place you can go."

"I suppose though,“ she raises the glass to her lips again, letting it rest there, and saying in a light whisper for only him to hear with her green eyes bearing down on him in warning, “when you come to kill me… I can’t say I will go down without a fight. I’d like to save you, but if you force me to, I will kill you myself... For the greater good. I hope that doesn’t upset you, for I currently have no plans to disrupt your journey. I’d like to think there is still time for you to grow and perhaps in travelling down this path, you will discover what you need in order to move on… Before you make a mistake.”

She finally takes another swig of the crimson concoction and blinks at his question, giggling lightly, “Why do I care… Honestly? Because I am old… And a little bored I suppose… You certainly know how to draw attention and you seemed sad... And lonely. I’ve always cared for people and fancy myself a pleasant person; it’d be nice to have a friend. It’s been a long time since I’ve had somebody to talk to.”

[Deleted]

"You can stand at the edge of my darkness all you want. Have a picnic if you really want while you're there. Until my sire is dead, there is no such thing as light for me."

Kain takes a long swig from the goblet in front of him. He allows the iron tasting liquid flow down his chin as he satiates his thirst.

"All the better. That way I don't have to commit suicide once you're gone. You don't seem to really understand me, I want to die. I want to die to hopefully sit at my brothers feet, apologizing to him for what I did. But not before I take all the vampires with me to Hell where we belong."

The frustrated youngling slams his fist into the table, disturbing the bartender as Elizabeth explains why she may care.

"You just don't get it. Ever since that bastard bit me I've been alone. The life of my brother, my closest friend was sacrificed due to that bastard who made me what I am. Why should I let someone... Anyone else in after what happened to me? I've heard about this group... The Inquisition. I may just go to them. Help them. End my suffering while taking these bastards with me to the deepest pits of Hell. It's why I took the name Kain, the man who committed the first murder. The murder of his brother. It's befitting to me both when I took my own brothers life, and now the vampires."

[Sublime]

“Was he terrible to you? Did he beat you and torment you? Or did he just make a terrible mistake? Did he abandon you?” she couldn't help herself as the questions poured out and her eyes grew wide with curiosity.

She smiles as he finally takes a drink, glad to see logic can still make its way into his raging emotional thoughts.The older Vampire shakes her head and glances back up at him sadly, “who are you to decide who lives and dies? I know you want to die, I am merely pointing out that I do not want to be the one to fulfill that desire, if that's what you truly want for yourself then have at it. You’re not the judge and Jury though Kain, you’re the offender. A better way to repent for your sins would be to serve and better the world with kindness... It really is such a rarity after all."

The bartender eyes the two Vampires warily after Kain's outburst, focusing his gaze on his fellow employee especially. Beth gives her co-worker an apologetic smile, but the bartender frowns and turns away from the two of them to head down to the end of the bar. The green haired dancer smiles nervously at her companion and replies in a gentle tone, “I get it, you’ve made yourself very clear and if you’d like to walk out of this bar at this very moment I won’t stop you, but I am sure we will see each other again. I know who the Inquisition is, they’re bad people, they’ve got no regard for good or evil or right and wrong; murderers who claim to be soldiers for the betterment of humankind. They might let you join their ranks… Or kill you.”

Suddenly the bartender returns, but with a rather flamboyantly dressed fellow following after him this time. The lanky man is wearing a luxuriant leather coat with black feathers along the trim, a matching top hat, and he has ridiculously long brown hair that brushes across the floor as he walks. He is eerily beautiful and has an unnatural draw to him, and is most definitely not a Vampire. The ostentatious male takes off his hat and bends forward with a flourish, “hello! Elizabeth, I see you’ve made a new friend. Perhaps, “his chocolate colored orbs focus on the male Vampire, “the two of you can take this party outside. I hear there’s not so neutral talk going on, some mass genocide talk. I most definitely know how to mind my own business and hold no ill will toward you Mister, but I don’t like that kinda talk here. Brings down the mood. Have a pleasant night. Beth, you can call it a night too, your shifts over for the night as far as I’m concerned.”

“B-but-“

“No harm, no foul. Now skidaddle.”

[Deleted]

"Was my sire terrible? He turned me, and than ran off like a coward. He's a pathetic vampire, who deserves to die. Who am I to judge? What about all those, like me, who were never given the choice? Never given the chance? Who are we, as vampires, to judge who lives and who dies? I'm just a natural extension. I'm judging vampires for the same. That's it."

He takes another drink from his glass, licking his lips as the blood pools.

"I am the offender. I deserve my soul to rot, you're right. This is my repentance. This is the only answer I know. How can I show kindness in a unkind world? Look at what happened to me, to my brother. Where was the kindness? Why do vampires deserve kindness? TELL ME?! WHY!? WHY WAS IT THAT MY BROTHER HAD TO DIE TO MAKE ME UNDERSTAND?!"

The rage from Kain turns the whole room to him again. His more demonic features of his kind shows through the peaceful humanity he shows normally. Once he realizes the attention he is drawing, he settles down and turns from Elizabeth embarrassed.

"I've lost all hope. Kindness left that night. So tell me why should I show anyone kindness?"

He turns back as the sound of a new voice chimes in. The look he gets from the brown-eyed man is shared when Kain looks back.

"Afraid of the truth? Maybe to start my genocide, I should make you the first? How does that sound?"

Kain stands to his feet, tipping over his half empty glass, spilling the blood over the counter.

"I was planning to leave anyhow. You're not worth my time. Not yet."

Kain looks back to Elizabeth as he walks by.

"No need to follow, unless you still wish to be that light."

[Sublime]

As the crimson liquid spreads across the expanse of the table top Adalrich chuckles lightly and shakes his head, “I ain’t no vamper big boy, so I don’t know how I made it on your list, I'ma Changeling, but you’ve been stirring up trouble since you walked in. Like I said, your plans for mass genocide are your own business, but Soul Haven is a safe place for Non-humans of all kind and you’re making my patrons uncomfortable with your raving. You wanna live to complete your plans of taking out the Vampire race; don’t ever show your face here again.”

He shifts his gaze to his employee and gives her a serious look, “dear god Lizzy! Be careful and text me when you get home, so I know this bastard hasn’t staked you in the heart; you’re too sweet for your own good.”

“Kay Addie, I’ll see you tomorrow night,” the emerald haired Vampire finishes her drink, waves farewell to her employer and hops down from her seat, “let’s go grumpy pants, before you do something silly, like killing an innocent club owner.”

“I stay with you a while longer... In fact, you can walk me home, maybe an Inquisition member will come out of the darkness to murder me and you two can make friends,” Elizabeth laughs uproariously and pats him on the back.

“And You’ve missed my point. You name yourself after a person in the bible, so you must be a religious man, and I was merely pointing out that only God has the right to judge ANYONE. You couldn’t possibly know Gods plan and thus you cannot decide who lives or dies… Or who is good or evil.”

She rolls her eyes, leading the brooding Kain in the direction of her apartment complex a few blocks away, “and you’ve just reinforced what I was saying doll, there isn’t enough kindness in the world, an abundance of neutral and coldhearted people, it takes a better man to stick your head above the crowd and be different… To deliver love to people spouting hate and destruction. Your brother's death was a terrible mistake and you need to cope with your loss and do your best to move on. If you want to continue to take the easy road and choose to let the darkness devour you, do you honestly believe that when you meet your brother in the afterlife that he will forgive you for all the lives you've taken? Vampire or not, they are still people. When you killed him, it was an accident, but when you do what it is that you’re planning, it will be premeditated murder on a massive scale. Do you think he will be proud? Your maker didn’t kill your brother, Kain, you did.”

“You should show kindness because you want to be forgiven.”

[Deleted]

"You pissed me off. You'd just be for fun, Addie."

Kain glares at the club owner before walking out with Elizabeth. His anger subsiding a bit as the luscious lady tells him to walk her home. Her scathing remarks about his choices make his visage grow even darker, as he truly realizes the severity of his desires. While the desire for genocide is still there, at least for tonight, he may be able to rest peacefully.

"Was a religious man. I was excommunicated when they found out I was a vampire. Even some Inquisition have tried to get me. Where was God when I needed him most? As I watched the horror in my brothers eyes as he watches his brother drain his very life? Where was God to save him? To spare me from this life?"

A tear forms under his eye as that night keeps replaying in his mind. The horror, the hatred... The sadness. All to much for the young Vampire to hold in.

"I vowed to destroy my kind to stop from happening to me, happen to others. But most of all, so I can take the life of my sire. The lives are just a means to an end. My brother may not forgive me for the genocide, neither would God. I know where my fate lies, and I accepted it long ago. You said you've been where I was. Having to watch as those you care about wither and die as you live on. How can you not desire revenge against what made you suffer this way? If you've lived like me, how does continuing to live on in this life seem worthwhile? Are you just afraid of dying? Afraid of what might happen? Trying to save yourself from me?"

Kain continues walking, looking up to the sky. The darkness he sees comforts him.

"How do I know you truly care to help someone like me? Even after I told you my plans?"

[Sublime]

Elizabeth chuckles lightly and gives her companion a wink, her green eyes sparkling merrily, “you don’t know, I could be pretending to befriend you until you drop your guard and then kill you to prevent you from executing your plans… Or I could be a nice girl looking to save a lost soul. Will you kill me because you are unsure of my intentions, before I’ve done anything to prove myself either way, would you feel justified?” she places her finger against her chin, “I suppose more than anything, for now, I am curious… I find your story intriguing and would like to see how things pan out for you.”

She stops in her tracks and points at his chest playfully, “And! Earlier you said that all you wanted was for you and your brother be joined again, so that you may prostrate yourself at his feet and beg for his forgiveness. How will you ever achieve that goal if you’ve resigned yourself to damnation? I stopped wanting revenge when I finally decided to open my eyes and realize that he was not some omnipotent being…. Amadeus was as much a human on the inside as I and everybody makes mistakes, only god is infallible… But perhaps I will share my story with you another time, I have my reasons and had plenty of time to grow passed my problems with Vampires. This elongated lifespan leaves so much room to make a difference in the world, I finally decided to step in, to be the change I wanted to see in this plane, and help the world to the best of my abilities. I’m not afraid to die; I have done nothing in my life that would cause me to fear what the afterlife has in store for me… And if god doesn’t exist and I merely blink out of existence when I pass, I am okay with that too. I’ve been here a long time, I’m tired, and the true death would be a pleasant respite from this place.”

She follows his gaze, eyeing the stars with a contented smile brightening her features, “it doesn’t matter how old I get, those diamonds in the sky are always so infinite and magnificent, and they make me feel so insignificant.”

Her head reluctantly turns back to the horizon and she starts sauntering down the sidewalk again, “so, how long have you been living in New York? Do you live in Manhattan? And where do you work?”

[Deleted]

"I resigned to my fate, because that is where our kind belong. We're nothing but abominations, and deserve nothing but an eternity in Hell. Not like living as a blood sucker is any worse."

He continues looking up into the darkness above him, before noticing that Lizz had taken off.

"Maybe I should kill you now, save the hassle later. But right now, just talking... I don't know. It feels..."

He shakes his head, not wanting to give up his desire. He catches up to the female vampire.

"I have been in New York my whole life. I don't work anywhere and I don't have a home. When morning comes, I just find some hole in the wall to rest till I need to."

He walks a few more steps before stopping again, getting a good look at Elizabeth. Something about her begs for him to follow.

"What is it about you? You're not like some of the other vampires I've met. You're vastly different from my sire."